“The only thing that matters is what’s good for you and how you feel about each other. Let me tell you something, when you’re alone late at night in bed just you and her under the covers, that’s all that matters. You gotta do what your heart tells you to do. Let me tell you somethin’ right now. You’re only allowed three great women in your lifetime. They come along like the great fighters, every ten years. Rocky Marciano, Sugar Ray Robinson, Joe Louis. Sometimes you get ‘em all at once. Me? I had my three when I was 16. That happens. What are you gonna do? That’s the way it goes, you know? Tell you right now. See this girl? Maybe this girl, she put wind in your sails. Maybe she’s your first great one.”
Just in case you didn’t already know, that comes from one of my all-time favorite movies, A Bronx Tale. This particular scene is when Sonny is telling C to forget what his friends think and go after this girl he likes, who happens to be black. & it’s the very essence of this scene that I want to talk about today. How do you want to feel when it’s just you and her/him, under the covers?
More on that later. Let’s rewind for a sec.
About two months ago, I sat down with a stack of magazines, scissors, a glue stick, and big ol’ poster board from the 99 Cent Hut. I emerged about 5 hours later with a big, beautiful, vision board of all my goals and wildest dreams for the next year. I had the check written out to myself. The screenshot of a million YouTube subscribers. My dream co-writes. The Long Beach Island 18 mile run. The fitness model with the perfectly tan abs so shiny they would probably burn my retina in person. The works.
As a whole, it looked like a nice, full, life. I had the bucks, the bod, the success. But there was one thing I felt every time I looked at it….
But I hate running with a burning passion.
Biking? Sure. Swimming? Awesome. Running? Hell no. Don’t get me wrong- I’ve tried it so many times, hoping I would finally get it or at the very least challenge myself to do something that would require insane self-discipline. Never happened. Maybe I’m just bitter because of my childhood track-induced asthma. Maybe you’re just dehydrated and delusional. Who knows? Either way, when I realized that the 18 mile LBI run looked good, but didn’t necessarily feel good, a light bulb went off.
Vision boards, goals, bucket lists, 5-year-plans, & etc. are typically based on physical stuff. Our ideals. Our big aspirations. What we think is going to make us happy and get us to that next level. Here’s the thing though. We’re not after the BMW, the promotion, or the beach house. What we’re after is the feeling that comes with those things.
I know what you’re thinking. You’ve heard this before. A thousand times. A million different ways. But it is 100% true. Do you need that guy or girl to feel confident? Do you need a bungalow on the beach with a white picket fence to feel calm? Do you need to finish paying off your student loans to feel at ease? Do you need to go skydiving to feel alive?
The answer is absolutely not. If it’s the God’s honest feeling you’re after, and not the need to look successful or “right” to others, then you’ll get real with yourself. Maybe you don’t need the timeshare in Costa Rica, and what you really need is to split a bottle of wine by your friend’s pool. Maybe it’s not an Alpine mansion, and it’s a cool apartment in Edgewater. Maybe it’s not base jumping, and it’s pursuing the career of your dreams to feel alive and passionate.
Now I want you to do me a favor. Get out your vision board, 5-year-plan, bucket list, whatever it is. We’re flipping the system and giving that baby a makeover.
I want you to pick four words that describe how you want to feel in the next six months. Be honest and precise with exactly what you want. If it changes later on then just change it. Don’t doubt me. Just do it.
Strong. Passionate. Amazed. Relaxed. Excited. Healthy. Creative. Abundant. Sexy. Generous. Respected. Kind. Loving. Fun. Confident. Thankful. Affluent. Risk-taking. Energetic. Fit.
Don’t over-analyze your adjectives. The key here is if it feels right, then it is right. These words should slide right off the tip of your tongue. Now, I want you to make a vision board according to these adjectives. Then, I want you to take it even a step further. From here on out, every decision you make should cultivate these feelings within you. Trust me when I say that these words will be the driving force in mapping out the life of your wildest dreams. The kind of dreams you can hardly let yourself dream because they sound so improbable out loud.
Sound a little too out there for ya? Let’s reel it in. Look at that list again. Let’s put your dreams in real time. Starting today, I want you to do one thing that makes you feel like one of those words. I don’t care if you’re keeling over behind your desk thinking shutup, I can’t fit one more thing in my day. It could be as little as 15 minutes. Just do it. It will set off a spark and remind you what life’s like outside of the daily grind. And trust me on this one- it’s all theoretical until you try. It’s when you actually take those baby steps forward on a regular basis that you begin to experience the magic of transformation.
Now step back and admire your new plans. It should feel damn good. Not like a to-do list. It should make you feel electric. Excited. Alive. And hey, maybe it wouldn’t do that for your friends and family. That’s okay. It’s not about them. This is about your own path towards greatness. Not on anyone else’s terms. Only on your terms. It isn’t about an 18 mile run that makes you look like a stand up guy on paper. It’s about what puts the wind in your sails. It’s about passion. It’s about feeling. It’s about living according to your desires, goddammit! Most importantly it’s about how you feel when you’re alone under the covers. How do you feel when you’re alone under the covers?
Lessons In Clarity 